As I sit here on this cold, beautiful snow covered morning, I realize how blessed I am. My 4 year old and husband are cuddling on the floor, twins are still sleeping. I thought this was the perfect time to do a follow up on my last post regarding parenting.
First off, I was surprised at how many e-mails, facebook comments etc I got after that post. I realize that there is a downside to being overly honest, but I believe there is also an upside. I am glad I wrote that last post, because it worked as therapy for me. I also got some great feedback from other moms that I truly appreciated! We are not in this alone. Quite often I take it on all by myself and don't want to 'vent' to others. However, once in awhile it is necessary.
The biggest response I got, was to have faith. I must admit, my faith has been weak now for a couple years, with financial issues, family health issues, work issues, etc. However, I always thank the Lord for everything that I have.
So, the question lies for me still: why do I get so angry, frustrated, hopeless, and straight crazy? Well, life in general can make you that way sometimes, but after sitting down with my husband friday night and having a discussion (which we have not done in forever, and that is part of the problem!) we both realized some things. Now, to give you some background first, my husband is the most patient, supportive, understanding man I have ever met. Yes, his domestic abilities are not that of my own, but if thats the only complaint, I think you get my drift.
Well, he worries about my health all the time with me being a Type 1 diabetic. He also tracks my moods- literally, on his calendar has been tracking my pms since the twins were born. It seemed to instantly get worse after the babies, so my Dr. prescribed meds for PMDD.
I am NOT a pill taker. Not good at it, never have been, doubt I ever will be. So I am not consistent.
Anyway, he sat me down and told me how worried he was. We then determined that this "Crazy, anger infused" spiral I fall into happens like clockwork. Each month.
I ask this: How, HOW can PMS alone make you want to throw yourself in the car and drive far away from everything you love? Well, I am beginning to think it can. I recently (December) got the Novasure procedure to reduce my periods as they too got worse after kids. The Dr. said that people sometimes show a reduction in PMS symptoms, but that is not a guarantee. Well, I guess I was hoping for a miracle there.
So knowing this now, we are going to take some preventative steps...exercise, low sugar low caffeine diet, sleep (I go to the basement, he takes care of kids) and now the addition of b12 patches, to see how things go. I did some research and show many symptoms of b12 deficiency. I have taken it in pill form before, but as you read above, not so good in the pill taking department.
I will have to keep you all updated on how that works- I would also love it if you could share with me any of your pms reducing tricks.
Ironically I woke up Friday morning, feeling great and like a completely different person than the day before. Crazy isn't it? Scary too. Yes, my kids drive me crazy, they wear me out and I am constantly exhausted. But I look at them and I feel so much love it is overwhelming. So how did I feel the way I did just a few days prior?
Feeling guilty for the way I acted, I told my son I was so sorry. Sorry mommy acted the way she did and lost her temper so often. Sorry I didn't play with him. I told him I would try harder. I told him I loved him no matter what. He replied "I know that mommy, I always know that."
Well then, I guess I'm doing something right.
A little bit of everyday insanity, creativity, and some vino mixed in.
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